


Don't talk about it!

by mooncat90



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Crack, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-05
Updated: 2015-06-05
Packaged: 2018-04-02 23:07:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4077268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mooncat90/pseuds/mooncat90
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s obvious what is going on in a place filled with human beings. Human beings that happen to have a sex drive, but of course, nobody talked about it (or they did but in secret) because it was a topic they thought couldn’t be discussed due to the circumstances they were living in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't talk about it!

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I was bored and decided to write something with humor because lately I've been reading just angsty stories and I needed to lift up my spirit! I hope you enjoy it and I'm sorry for any mistake made.

It’s obvious what is going on in a place filled with human beings. Human beings that happen to have a sex drive, but of course, nobody talked about it (or they did but in secret) because it was a topic they thought couldn’t be discussed due to the circumstances they were living in.  
It was to praise the young adults that contained their hormones in order to save the world, their first interaction was being taught how to put on their gears but they all knew the gear was the most difficult thing to wear that included straps in particular parts of their bodies…those particular parts of their bodies being touched by a superior soldier was quite a test for men and women whose first taste of someone else invading their personal space. They had some incidents before of extremely blushed soldiers –some bulges rising through the white tight pants- but the superiors just shook their heads and tried to understand.  
The barracks were separated by gender, so technically physical touch was forbidden but the soldiers always found a way out.  
-“We know some of you can restrain your bodies, if you are going to fuck make sure you don’t get nobody pregnant. We do not have baby cares in here and I appreciate having a free baby shit environment. Don’t fuck if you don’t want to get: pregnant, a disease, or attached. If one of you die because of sex rather than a Titan I’ll hunt you and kick your ass in hell.”- Those were the words of Captain Levi. He saw the younger audience going red and hiding their faces. He sighed, he knew somebody was going to get pregnant, he knew they would want to experiment and what hurts the most: they were going to fall in love, but falling in love with someone who might die was very vulnerable.  
The Commander, Erwin Smith stood up and said some words: “Sex is fantastic when you do it with someone you love.” (He turns quickly to glare at Levi) “And it is because you become one with that person, but not only physically but also emotional and as you all know more than 30% of you will die. So, I strongly don’t recommend for the sake of your mental health.”-  
And that was all the talk they gave to the recruits about sex, there was no teaching how to put a condom, about diseases, about sexual orientation. Everyone was up for their own persona.  
Surely, Erwin Smith and Levi knew about what they talked. Those two had been banging some months after Levi joined the Survey Corps, nobody gave them the sex talk but as adults they decided they couldn’t keep away of each other grasp. Oh no, they couldn’t.  
Mostly everyone knew about them, they tried to keep it a “secret” but the sex voices at Erwin’s office could be heard by…everyone. Levi knew the soldiers could hear him and that kind of excited him more but he pretended for Erwin because the older man swore their relationship status was known only by himself and Levi. It was entertaining for the soldiers to lean over the door and start eavesdropping, especially for Eren and Jean. Eren would role play Levi and Jean become Erwin. Without doing so much noise Eren began touching himself, grabbing his nipples and looking to Jean he would mumble: -“Oh yes, Commander, give the freedom with that dick.”- Jean would frown his eyebrows (trying to make them look thicker) and he’ll respond: -“Levi, you are so beautiful, oh yes, I’m going to come for humanity.”- They laughed in low voice and kept hearing. Mikasa and Armin thought that was very disrespectful but they giggled anyways.  
-“Let’s talk about the most handsome soldier.”- suggested Sasha.  
-“Me first, I will vote for Connie.”- She felt some disbelieving looks towards her.  
-“Ugh, he’s very short, I would say Erwin Smith, those blue eyes.”- said another girl.  
-“He’s old, and I don’t usually like short men but Levi is so handsome, those eyes…”-  
-“He would kill you with those eyes.”-  
-“Whatever girls, both are not available.”- Hanji interrupted their conversation.  
-“Are they…gay?”- Sasha asked.  
-“Oh no dear, they just like to kiss each other and have sexual intercourse.”-  
-“But…we heard a rumor about the Commander being in love with Marie.”-  
-“Well, yes but that doesn’t mean he can’t have other preferences, right? Besides he has marital duties with Levi.”- Oh no, Hanji just revealed the most treasured secret of her friends.  
-”What?! They are married?” - The girls screamed (Mikasa also raised her voice)  
-“Sorry girls, you didn’t hear that from me. Please, don’t say anything because Levi is going to kill me.”- She heard some footsteps coming to the dining room.  
-“Who are the married couple?”- Eren asked.  
-“Yeah, tell us. It’s so lovely there is a husband and wife…”- Armin was interrupted by Mikasa, -“More like husband and husband.”-  
-“Whaat?”- screamed Jean.  
-“Easy people! It’s not that big deal…”- Hanji tried to calm down their curiosity.  
-“It is! Tell us!”- They demanded.  
-“It’s the Commander and Captain Levi…”- Mikasa said.  
Jean, Eren and Armin went blank.  
-“Levi…is capable of…loving? Of saying vows? They don’t even have a ring!”- Eren said.  
-“They don’t need rings dumbass, they just have to compromise. But I couldn’t trust entirely sleeping next to Levi…”-  
-“He could slash Erwin’s dick at night…”- Jean said laughing.  
-“Oh! You are gross, don’t talk like that about Captain Levi.”- said Connie who happened to join the conversation without being noticed.  
-“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?”- They heard a particular voice…very particular voice screaming behind the group.  
They turned around to face a short man. A very angry short man. He was angry red. They were in trouble.  
-“Levi, I’m sorry…they just found out...”- Levi grabbed Hanji by her shirt, -“They found out or you told them something, four eyes?”-  
-“I’m sorry Levi, sorry please don’t kill me!”- Everyone was scared. Levi’s rage was something they didn’t want to taste.  
-“SO YOU LIKE TO KNOW ABOUT OTHERS PERSONAL LIVES? YOU ARE GOING TO BE SO SORRY ABOUT THIS.”-  
-“Sir, but…we are happy about you and the Commander being a happy gay couple.”- The soldiers looked at Sasha, she just gained a ticket to hell.  
-“A gay couple…”- Levi pinched the bridge of his nose. –“Really? That was necessary? IT’S OBVIOUS SASHA THAT IF I ENJOY DICK AND HATE VAGINAS I AM GAY. I am astonished by your logic.”-

Nobody said anything else. That day Levi tortured them in the practice field, they did thousands of abs, squats, weight lifting, they ran 10 kilometers…and he still wasn’t satisfied. They had to clean the barracks. 

Erwin came along and smiled at the soldiers working so hard, -“Well, you are just trying them out. They need to rest, Levi.”-  
-“No, they have a lot of energy to spare.”- He glared at them, they blushed.  
-“Well it’s good they are going to clean this place but be easy at them.”-  
-“They said I could slash your dick.”- 

Erwin gulped. –“Oh, I don’t think so. You only make it happy.”-  
Levi turned at him annoyed. –“Really Erwin? I said to you long ago that your dick is not a separate part of your body so you shouldn’t talk about it like if it had feelings!”-  
-“Do they know anything else?”-  
-“I don’t think so, but I guess tonight we should fuck really loud and make them hear.”-  
-“That’s perverse, Levi. I don’t want them to hear your sexy voice, that’s only for me.”-  
“They already know, also they already know how your sex voice is.” Levi thought.  
-“Yeah, you are right.”-  
Erwin smiled while he pinched discreetly Levi’s ass. Eren saw and immediately went behind his superiors backs to search for the group.

-“You guys”- he talked in a really low voice, -“I just saw the Commander pinching Levi’s ass.”-


End file.
